ABC Wednesday-R for Respect

The wife of opposition politician Tan Lead Shake has been sentenced to a total of 16 years in jail

You can find the headline on almost evry forum and media, Channel News Asia, http://www.insing.com/, breaking.sg, even our STRAITS TIMES HEAD LINE IS Tan's wife gets 16 years…
All news point to the words opposition politician, that is very funny, does all the Singapore media copy the news from each other? So many reporters, does any one write something new on the murder case, or does any one really care to study the case further, why why why, the lady Wu Yun Yun will kill the brother-in-law?? That is not a simple thing for a person to kill another person. Every one in the family play a very important part in this sad family story.

In one word-Respect! ABC Wednesday, R for respect.

Every one said it was jealousy that drove Wu Yun Yun to stab her 34-year-old brother-in-law to death and to slash his wife. Yes, jealousy is one part of the reasons, but mainly, she doesn’t respect herself, she married to a man she didn’t know well in the arrangement of the father, she doesn’t respect herself, as a human, she has the right to choose the husband, again, when she was so so so unhappy with the marriage, she still had choice to break the unhappy marriage, she is still young and quite pretty looking, she has chances to rebuild a happy family with someone else, she didn’t respect her own right rather than stay on in the terrible relationship with the whole family which she can’t get along with. The worse thing is she doesn’t respect life! Our life are given by God, how can we simply want to take away other people’s life or our own life.
As a mother-in-law, She can don’t love the daughter-in-law, she can don’t care about her, she can don’t talk to her, she can even chase her out from the house if the house is hers, but she has no right to scold a person so much…According to the report, the Wuyunyun did get scold from her, right? Wu Yun Yun is a woman, an adult, a human, the wife of his own son, she need the respect in life. Outside the courtroom, Madam Ng Bee Hion wailed that the sentence was too light for a crime that cost her a son. I am sorry to say that if she knows how to handle the family problems, the family will be a happy family now. But it is too late, I feel sad for her, for the whole situation.
I don’t know how to say about another sad lady in the story, Madam Huang Meizhe, she came from China too, if she pay a little bit attention to WuYunyun, and being a good listener, or try to do something to resolve the bad relationship among the family members, she will be a happy wife now.
The person most reserved to blame in this family sad story is the husband. If he does respect and give more love and care to the wife, move out from the big family to start their life, simple life as husband and wife and kids only…I believe the store will be different. If a man can’t provide all these basic needs to a lady, he shouldn’t get into marriage. It doesn’t matter he belongs to what side of politic party, opposition politician or PAP, as a man, they are all same, they are someone’s son, they are someone’s brother, they maybe someone’s husband, some kids’ father, a man, he doesn’t even able to settle his own family problems, how is he going to lead the country.
I just don’t understand Chinese culture, why mother-in-law, sister-in-law etc so many in laws like to stay together when every one is not happy with each other. They are fighting for all the small matters in life all due to different life style of their own. Why they can’t respect each other and just stay away if can’t stand each other, rather than allow this kind of sad family affairs happen. And I believe there are many many more ladies like Wu Yun Yun in Singapore, those who married to Singaporean, if no one will learn something from this sad news, I bet it will happen somewhere, someday again in not too long future.
Basically I don’t think Wu Yun Yun is a very bad person, and she has paid for what she has done, 16 years in jail, the life has gone for a lady. I don’t think she will hurt some other people again, Whoever died already died, just forgive her. Will the family forgive her?
Does our media have the responsibility to teach our Singaporean learn something from the case?
Respect others, be kind to others, give more space to each other life as we Singaporean have many different culture, then our life will be more peaceful, we will be happier. This is what I see in life.
PS, the news forward as below:

THE China-born wife of former opposition figure Tan Lead Shake was jailed 16 years for killing her brother-in-law and attempting to kill his wife on Tuesday.
Wu Yunyun, 27, looked dazed as the sentence was handed down.
Her mother-in-law broke out into loud sobs in the court's public gallery. Later, outside the courtroom, Madam Ng Bee Hion wailed that the sentence was too light for a crime that cost her a son.
Mr Tan, 40, who had visited his wife only once in her 11/2 years in remand, was not in court.
He was at his Paya Lebar home on Tuesday evening, looking after their two children. He politely declined to be interviewed, saying it was too painful to talk about the incident.
His wife was sentenced to 12 years' jail for killing Mr Tan's brother Lead Sane, 33, and four years for the attempted manslaughter of Mr Tan Lead Sane's wife, Madam Huang Meizhe, 36, who is also from China.
Read the full story in Wednesday's edition of The Straits Times.

Ruby Tuesday: Old Car

Chinese men like to say their car is their wife,
They like to change car often in their life,
They want to change wife often in their mind,
They say I love my car because it is mine,
I love my wife but sometime they are telling a lie.
If you question him your heart will die,
If you believe him your imagination will fly,
So which one you like?
Die or fly?

(Hahaha. :) LOL.) Just a joke for our Lovely Ruby Tuesday. Don't forget to take a look at the new cool look of Mary's blog.

China visitors get unfriendly welcome from Singaporean?

My friend forwarded me the below post from Straits Times, called me to ask if it is true because she is coming to Singapore for a short holiday next month.
For quite a long time, I stay in my silent, I just don’t know what and how should I say about this.
I am a Chinese lady who came from China too, married to Singaporean for 16 years till now. I understand the feeling of being called “ XiaoLongNu”, I got married at about the time when the “XiaoLongNu” whom is a China lady filed for divorce with Singaporean husband and asked for a lot of money, she was on the first page of newspaper news almost every day during the time. I still remember well how my sister-in-law despise the “XiaoLongNu” behavior and said she won’t ask for money if she divorce the husband one day, but in these 16 years, she divorced her 2nd husband and went to high court to fight for money many time…Every family have their own problem, every marriage have their own ups and downs, if there is an end of an marriage, a lot of ladies will ask for money to protect themselves, money is the only thing they think they can fight for and hold on since they are unable to keep the love. This is nothing with what is the nationality of the lady. This is nothing related with you are a “XiaoLongNu” or not. I felt hurt when all my in-laws talking the “XiaoLongNu” topics in that kind of tones in front of me, they were thinking I am one of the “XiaoLongNu” though I already have much higher income than my husband at that time. I felt hurt. The feeling of being hurt and the feeling of loneliness with the home sick almost destroy my life and my marriage. Thanks God to give me the strength to go through the hardest time in my life.
Since then I try not to tell people I was from China, I can easily make friends with people from USA, Australia those western country, they know I am from China though I am holding a Singapore passport now. But I just can’t get along well with our lovely Singaporean, there is a wall with no bricks in between me and Singaporean. For so many years there are seldom people out side my family know that I am from China, I am a China lady whom married to Singaporean. I don’t want to have the feeling of being hurt.
But this is not actually what I want to say in this post.
I want to say I feel shame being a China lady here in Singapore. For so many years in Singapore, I don’t make friends with any China ladies either.
My daughter only knows I was from China at her 12 years old, last year. I feel shame being a Chinese who is from China. I feel shame of what my dear China people inconsiderate and unmannerly behavior in public. We can’t blame the reactions of some Singaporeans towards the relatives and friends of David. Such reactions will continue for the years to come unless we, as the immigrants make attempts to change our image. We are all seeking for respect from others but we must first respect others. Since we come to Singapore for whatever reasons we stay here, make a living here, we must change our own self to merge into local culture.
Yes, a lot of Singaporeans are frustrated with the large numbers of mainlanders here. Here is a comment just below David’s post,

China Girls' only interest is in old man CPF.
They don’t need to study English..they know only " Want or not" "Money or no money"

That is most of the Singaporean have in mind. China ladies are known to steal husbands, cheating old people money. But I really want to tell our clever and lovely Singaporean: If there is no need then no supply. This is a rule for everything in life.

1. If there is no Singaporean who are looking for “chicks”, I bet those ladies in Geylang will be jobless and go back to their country.
2. If there is no married Singaporean who are looking for the China ladies, provide them all the best but don’t care much of the wife and kids, how can those China chicks dress well and talk loudly in public?
3. If there is no old Singaporean who are willing to give all the CPF money to those China lady, don’t tell me they dare to rob you in Singapore? Old uncles, if you are old enough at 60+ and yet still looking for those 20+ 30+ who can be your daughter and even grand daughter, don’t tell me you believe they fall in love with you but not your money. When you take out all the CPF saving to give to those ladies, actually you know clearly enough that you are taking a gamble in life. Just you don’t want to believe you are not the winner.
4. If don’t have those Singaporean who love money so much and are willing to get paid, where are the “false husband” from, where are the “false marriage” from, where are the “false owners of body massage shop” from?
5. If Singapore government can come out more strict law to prevent those China lady to make a living as a “chick” here…

I know, I know there are many many “if” exit among the Singaporean and the China people who are working here, living here, travel to here, that is why we read the post from David as below.
My dear China ladies, if you can love yourself more than money, if you can respect yourself more than respect money…My dear China people, if you can change yourself a bit to be more like Singaporean, or “going to be Singaporean” …
All these need two hand to crap, and I wish I could say I am from China proudly in Singapore in not too long future.
David post attached below:

China visitors get unfriendly welcome from Singaporeans

…
But on their first day in Singapore, they were "greeted" with unfriendly remarks. One passer-by offered assistance with directions, but on learning that they were here to attend our wedding, asked if they knew that my wife would be known locally as "xiaolongnu" (or "little dragon girl"). The phrase, as I understand it, is commonly used to describe, with negative connotation, mainland Chinese girls married to Singaporean men.
The middle-aged man went on to ask if my friends intended to "work" here. You can only imagine how taken aback I was when my friends inquired the meaning of the phrase.
Over the next few days, while taking them around the city, I had the opportunity to experience first-hand how they felt. I was probably mistaken for a non-Singaporean, as for the first time in my country, I was treated by some waitresses and taxi drivers with uncalled-for rudeness clearly directed at foreigners.
…
As a Singaporean, I have always taken pride in our achievements: Changi Airport, the Singapore Flyer and the upcoming integrated resorts, just to name a few. The tourism industry attracts visitors from all over the world, eager to experience our culture. But how ever hard we may try to improve our tourist attractions, it is often the interaction with Singaporeans that matters.
What my friends experienced may be isolated or could represent a more serious issue. The impact on our tourism industry could be significant, though hard to quantify. It may take years for some of us to realise how the world, and in particular China, has progressed over the past two decades. We may be successful in many ways, but there is a bigger world out there and arrogance will never take us far.

David Lai

Yellow is happy and blue is sad. This is my Blue Monday after writing this post…

Love Test

How Compatible Are You With Your Lover?

Empty Promise

Have you noticed that when we are so in love and we feel we have found the right person, we really want to be the best for that person? We even promise to steer clear of our vices, the bad habits, and unpleasant behaviours.
But mostly that is only before we get married. I noticed too that after marrying the right person our promises remain to be broken.

So don't ever married to a person who wants to change you or you want to change him (her). Love the person as whom he (she) is.

Would You Quit Your Career for Husband?

"Will you quit your career for your husband?" I was asked by a lot of people, when I just came to Singapore, married to my husband. I was expected to be a house wife, stay at home, take care of in-laws, and may be a few of kids. :)

There are women who would quit her fine jobs for their man, but that is not me for sure.

I have seen a lot of women, they are very smart, they are very happy when they are single, but once they get married and choose to stay at home, everything changed. A small matter can make them upset for sometime, and their mind become negative, especially those who are from other country and married to Singaporean, they have few friends here, most of them came from different background and culture from husband's family, staying at home makes their life become very narrow, they can't find a friend to talk to when they have problems. That is why a lot of family problems occur. There are a few examples already.

I am a one so called “外来新娘”，I just want to say women should be more wise and calm when making such important decisions that may change our whole life track. Staying at home without works, your independence would be influenced, slowly you will lose your confidence too. There are a lot of uncertain things in life, no one will know what will happen in future, one certificate can only certify the relationship in a marriage, but not love. I'm not talking about disappointed stuff here, it's just we need to be wise and more prepared for the future uncertainty.

Independence and confidence are two important traits that we shouldn't lose even if we are married to a man with a lot of money. Women who totally dependent on men would under serious risk by time goes, men won't love you more just because you give up your own career, men who really loves you would be also respect you and your career.

So, would you quit your career for husband?

Is your life turning out the way as you planed?

Is your life turning out the way as you planed? After many years of marriage life, do you ask yourself such a question? What is your answer?

I like to think of myself as a planner, I am proud I can manage and plan my job, my career to turn out the way as I expected. But I can never fully plan everything in life, something so called love, something so called marriage.

I guess many of you are same as me, right?

I wonder how many people are really very satisfied in their marriage. I wonder how many people knew that the marriage will be sure turning out as their plan. Does anyone really know for sure?

I don't think so.

A lot of people still are very happy with their marriage though the life is not turning out the way as they expected. Why? Are you happy? Why you are not happy? All depend on our attitude towards life.

Life is not just what we see it but how we see it.

Happy or not is your own choice. You can either blame life for your circumstances or you can embrace them and grow. There will be a lot of culture shock among international marriage, especially as foreigners who married to Singaporean. Life is never turn out as you planed. Marriage life may not turn out as you expected. But you still need to make yourself happy.

Why not. Take what you have and make it the best.

How to register for your marriage in Singapore?

How to register for your marriage?

Age Requirements

• 21 years and above.
• For person aged between 18 and 21 years, the applicant will require the parents consent to marry. Both parents and two witnesses above 21 years old with NRICs/passport must also be present during the solemnisation of marriage.
• For person under the age of 18, the applicant will be required to apply for a special marriage license.

Other Requirements

• For marriage between a Singaporean/Permanent Resident (PR) and a foreigner :

If the foreigner is a work-permit holder, prior approval must be obtained from the Controller of Work Permits, Ministry of Manpower.

• For marriage between foreigners :

One of the applicant must have stayed in Singapore continuously for at least 15 days before the date of the Notice of Marriage.

Procedure

• Apply for the Notice of Marriage at http://www.rom.gov.sg/ or web kiosks at ROM.
• You can also choose to e-file your Notice of Marriage.
• It has to be applied at least 21 days and up to 3 months before the date of solemnisation (wedding date).

Documents to prepare for electronic filing of notice of marriage

For Applicants

Singaporean: NRIC or Birth Certificate

Permanent Resident (PR): NRIC or Birth Certificate

Foreigners: NRIC or Birth Certificate , Passport

• For Divorcee : Original or certified true copy of the Decree Nisi Absolute will also be required.
• For Widowed Person : Death Certificate of late spouse.

Witnesses (2 Persons)

• full name as appeared on NRICs or passports
• NRICs or Passport numbers

Solemnisation Details

• Date & Time
• Venue (full address as this will appear on your marriage certificate)
• Solemniser's name & license number
• Solemniser's consent

Marriage Fees

• Acceptable mode of payment is Credit Card.

Other advice

• As the choice date for solemnisation of marriages may not be available as it had been fully-booked by others, it is advisable to choose alternative dates before you file for your notice of marriage.
• It is advisable to shop for your wedding rings at least 6 weeks before your wedding date. This will ensure that the jeweller has ample time to re-order the rings that you want, if they were out of stock.
• Etiquette towards the solemniser
  • 1. Language preference for solemnisation
  • 2. Requirement(s) such as meeting up and/or pre-marriage preparation
  • 3. Invite your Solemniser personally (third party such as a relative or wedding planner is not entertained)
• Note that your Solemniser sacrifices personal time and efforts when he/she accepts your invitation to grace your joyous occasion as Guest-of-Honour. As a gesture of appreciation, please ensure that he/she is warmly received, entertained, and reimbursed for transport to and from your wedding venue.

Web site: http://www.rom.gov.sg

Address:

Registry of Marriages
7 Canning Rise Singapore 179869

Main line: Tel (info): 63387808 Fax: 63393328

Operating Hours :

Mondays to Fridays : 8.30 am - 12.30 noon/ 2.30 pm - 4.30 pm

Saturdays : 8.00 am - 12 noon

Sundays and Public Holidays : Closed

Marriage Life Is a Big Jigsaw Puzzle

Marriage life won't be a typical fairy tale forever although it may end with a happily ever after.... There are many ups and downs along the way. Most of the time, you will feel like you are trying very hard to manage all the jigsaw pieces, you are trying to form the jigsaw puzzle but just can't find that missing pieces.
When you are single, life is a piece of empty canvas, you are born to be a painter, you can use whatever colour you like to paint the canvas of your life, every single canvas of life is an art work, sure there is someone in this world know to appreciate it. Until one day, you meet your another life partner, you finally decide to go into marriage life. From the day you say "I Do.", there are no more canvas art, only left the jigsaw puzzle, both of you must work hard to match all the jigsaw pieces, and you can't bear to lose any pieces along the way...
Once you get into marriage life, it does mean you have chosen your jigsaw puzzle. You have decided what picture you want. Yeah, you may find some other beautiful pieces in the future, but I can say it is impossible to be fixed into your exiting one, marriage is like the jigsaw puzzle, every one of the jigsaw piece is unique and can't be replaced.
Marriage life is a very demanding life.... it is not just about you alone but your partner, both of your family, the people around you... and much more. They are all your jigsaw pieces, you can't finish you jigsaw puzzle if you have missed any one piece.
There is nothing worse than finding that your puzzle nearly done, The very last piece is missing. You wonder where it's gone.

Happy Marriage

All marriages are happy. It's living together after wards that is difficult.

8/8/08: It’s A Big Date

The number of 8 in Chinese pronounce as "FA", it means "Rich" . August 08, 2008, 888 has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

After the frenzy created last year on 7-7-07, a popular wedding date considered lucky by many, wedding vendors and engaged couples are looking out for the next extra-popular date. August 8, 2008 falls on a Friday, since 8 is an extremely lucky number in Chinese culture, watch for huge numbers of Chinese weddings this day. There will be a lot of wedding cars on the road the day.