When I talk about family, many times, I asked myself, what is most important-- Making yourself happy or the people who surround you?
I came from a small and simple family, with open minded parents, but my husband’s family is a very traditional Chinese family, with a lot of brothers and sisters…It is hard for me while trying to please everyone but in the end it result in making myself unhappy. In such a traditional Chinese family, everyone, mother-in-laws, sisters-in-laws, brothers-in-laws, all of them try their best to change “me”, they were trying to change my character, my life style, even my religion…When they realized that I am actually is a nut, all the quarrels start…I am not saying I am always right, I don’t request them to agree with me, I like to dress as I like, that is my life style; I like to live the life as I planed, that is my life; I believe in God, I don’t believe in their Buddha, that is my religion, however, I didn’t harm anyone in the family, I didn’t hurt anyone in the family, why can’t they respect me as I wanted to respect them.
Maybe I am a outsider who came from other country , married to a husband who is Singaporean. There are really a lot of conflict in cultures and life style...I am not sure how many people like me, married to a Singaporean, and just can not get along with the in-laws. I am curious and want to know how they get along with the in-laws family? In my simple mind, love is great, marriage is great, family is relationship between husband and wife, parents and kids only…But actually I am wrong, I am really really wrong. The word “Family” in Chinese means a lot more, a lot more complicated relationship. I am wondering what other culture is, but I am really tired.
What are the most important things among the family members ? Respect, Trust and Truth-Isn’t these three?
If you are a boss, yes, you can ask your staffs follow you, listen to you. But in a family, there is no one is boss ! Something seems wrong to you does not mean it isn't the perfect move for others. The world is made up of so many different types of people, why Singaporean (not all but most) always want things their way. Especially as a daughter-in-law, she has no right to lead her own life in her own way, she is expected to be a robot and follow what the elders said.
The result is every one not happy.