F For Family-ABC Wednesday

ABC Wednesday, My F for the previous round is Follow, and for this round is for “Family”. What about yours?

When I talk about family, many times, I asked myself, what is most important-- Making yourself happy or the people who surround you?

I came from a small and simple family, with open minded parents, but my husband’s family is a very traditional Chinese family, with a lot of brothers and sisters…It is hard for me while trying to please everyone but in the end it result in making myself unhappy. In such a traditional Chinese family, everyone, mother-in-laws, sisters-in-laws, brothers-in-laws, all of them try their best to change “me”, they were trying to change my character, my life style, even my religion…When they realized that I am actually is a nut, all the quarrels start…I am not saying I am always right, I don’t request them to agree with me, I like to dress as I like, that is my life style; I like to live the life as I planed, that is my life; I believe in God, I don’t believe in their Buddha, that is my religion, however, I didn’t harm anyone in the family, I didn’t hurt anyone in the family, why can’t they respect me as I wanted to respect them.

Maybe I am a outsider who came from other country , married to a husband who is Singaporean. There are really a lot of conflict in cultures and life style...I am not sure how many people like me, married to a Singaporean, and just can not get along with the in-laws. I am curious and want to know how they get along with the in-laws family? In my simple mind, love is great, marriage is great, family is relationship between husband and wife, parents and kids only…But actually I am wrong, I am really really wrong. The word “Family” in Chinese means a lot more, a lot more complicated relationship. I am wondering what other culture is, but I am really tired.

What are the most important things among the family members ? Respect, Trust and Truth-Isn’t these three?

If you are a boss, yes, you can ask your staffs follow you, listen to you. But in a family, there is no one is boss ! Something seems wrong to you does not mean it isn't the perfect move for others. The world is made up of so many different types of people, why Singaporean (not all but most) always want things their way. Especially as a daughter-in-law, she has no right to lead her own life in her own way, she is expected to be a robot and follow what the elders said.

The result is every one not happy.

ABC Wednesday-L for Love

Today was the final farewell to Mrs Lee Kuan Yew. She is a lady who is undoubtedly the Mother of our young nation, having stood by the country through thick and thin…And the most impressed me is their love.

MM Lee and Mrs Lee are well-known to be a very loving couple.

There are so many famous people in this world, from eastern country to western country, who had a marriage like theirs? Their marriage is made in heaven, they have gone through 60 over years together in life, I hope we will all have lovely and great marriages like that too.

In memory of their true love, here’s Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116, as my final farewell to Mrs Lee.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

ABC Wednesday-L for Love

J For Journey-ABC Wednesday

ABC WEDNESDAY J for Journey

The journey is lonely,
The journey is bored,
The journey is long,
The journey full of fun,
If you are around.

ABC Wednesday: friend, footprint & midweek blue

Time flies since my last post for ABC Wednesday, was busy for work and less time to write. But this week the prompt letter is “F”,  it reminds me a Friend and the “Foot Print”. 

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there were only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it, “LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most, you would leave me.”

The LORD replied, “My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then I carried you.”

I love this story, poem. It reminds me a very special friend in my life, though somehow we lost contact in these few years. I first read this from his email, that was many many years ago, when I was in my very down time in life. His encourage changed the views of mine in life.

So, if there is a chance happen you read this post in Pennsylvania, you will know you are a very special friend in my life, you are always in my mind,  “Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie.” Who said this? I can’t remember but I know you are the friend.

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.  ~Albert Schweitzer 

You said I am the blue crab, somehow lost my way back to ocean…yes, I wish I could find the place where I belong to…

 

 

Changes in my life

Make me what I am today

And I am blue

 

Midweek Blue, this is my midweek blue, pictures of blue crabs, a post to remember a friend, and a little bit blue mood. How about you? What is your midweek blue?

Beyond The Lonely Tree

ABC Wednesday, My “B’ is a poem start with “B”,

and a photo for SkyWatch On Friday.

Beyond the lonely tree ,
My loneliness is flying free…

An voice from beyond,
Saying dear you are not alone,
Love is everywhere.
But why I only see the lonely tree?

Beyond the lonely tree ,
Sunset sky is so pretty,
Which the love should be.
But why my eyes can’t see ?

Beyond the lonely tree,
Loneliness is the feeling-
Come and go quickly in the wind.

Beyond the lonely tree,
Someday you just missed me

A For Art-ABC Wednesday

Today is the last day of Singapore Garden Festival show 2010, I was so busy for the past few days, missed the chance to slowly visit this fantastic garden show…Nothing much on the last day, especially the last few hours…Well, will wait and visit the next event 2 years later…

So here is one of the photo…

Enjoy the art of flowers, and visit the ABC WEDNESDAY 7th Round.

ABC Wednesday-T For Turtle

ABC Wednesday-S for Sungei Buloh

Today theme for ABC Wednesday is letter S. My letter S is Singapore, Sugnei Buloh nature park in Singapore. This is one of my favorite places to visit especially with kids.

Singapore is a small country with a lot of shopping centers. There are not many places for us to explore nature. But one of a unique places of exploring nature is Sungei Buloh Wetland Reserve which is the famous bird sanctuary too. This is a natural bird sanctuary which is especially created for migratory birds which coming to Singapore from all parts of the world. I am not very crazy on bird watching, either a very professional photographer, but birds are the most easily seen among the wild creatures in our urban city, watching them is an enjoyable thing, at least to me.
 

     Click to view larder image

Apart from birds, you can find a variety of animals in Sungei Buloh National Park too. Smooth Otter, Monitor lizards, squirrels, they are all the guards of this natural wetland. There are prepared walking routes around the park that we can choose from. A shorter route, only five hundred meters long, also called the Mangrove Boardwalk, is the most popular among visitors because of the chance encounters with wildlife. I almost can find monitor lizards, crabs, angel fish, mud lobsters, shellfish, water snakes, spiders, moths, and mudskippers every time during my visit, but not even once I saw crocodiles, I was told there is crocodiles there.

My camera is not good enough to capture a clear photograph of those lovely birds and wildlife. (Click to enlarge picture)

My another favorite is get a better view of the mangrove when the tide is slow. The roots of the trees in the mangrove really stand out. All these trees help in preventing shore erosion and also are home to crabs, mud-skippers, snakes and birds.



Sungei Buloh is also a good place to see Archerfish and needlefish during high tides…

Archerfish, they are well known for the ability to shoot down insects and small creatures resting on foliage or mangrove roots. They can spit out a strong and accurate jet of water. With their tongue against the groove on the roof of their mouth, they form a tube, and force water powerfully out by snapping shut their gills. However, aside this ability, they actually preferred to leap up out of the water to catch their prey in their jaws when it is close enough.

Needle fish are living in the Sungei Buloh too..

ABC Wednesday-R for Respect

The wife of opposition politician Tan Lead Shake has been sentenced to a total of 16 years in jail

You can find the headline on almost evry forum and media, Channel News Asia, http://www.insing.com/, breaking.sg, even our STRAITS TIMES HEAD LINE IS Tan's wife gets 16 years…
All news point to the words opposition politician, that is very funny, does all the Singapore media copy the news from each other? So many reporters, does any one write something new on the murder case, or does any one really care to study the case further, why why why, the lady Wu Yun Yun will kill the brother-in-law?? That is not a simple thing for a person to kill another person. Every one in the family play a very important part in this sad family story.

In one word-Respect! ABC Wednesday, R for respect.

Every one said it was jealousy that drove Wu Yun Yun to stab her 34-year-old brother-in-law to death and to slash his wife. Yes, jealousy is one part of the reasons, but mainly, she doesn’t respect herself, she married to a man she didn’t know well in the arrangement of the father, she doesn’t respect herself, as a human, she has the right to choose the husband, again, when she was so so so unhappy with the marriage, she still had choice to break the unhappy marriage, she is still young and quite pretty looking, she has chances to rebuild a happy family with someone else, she didn’t respect her own right rather than stay on in the terrible relationship with the whole family which she can’t get along with. The worse thing is she doesn’t respect life! Our life are given by God, how can we simply want to take away other people’s life or our own life.
As a mother-in-law, She can don’t love the daughter-in-law, she can don’t care about her, she can don’t talk to her, she can even chase her out from the house if the house is hers, but she has no right to scold a person so much…According to the report, the Wuyunyun did get scold from her, right? Wu Yun Yun is a woman, an adult, a human, the wife of his own son, she need the respect in life. Outside the courtroom, Madam Ng Bee Hion wailed that the sentence was too light for a crime that cost her a son. I am sorry to say that if she knows how to handle the family problems, the family will be a happy family now. But it is too late, I feel sad for her, for the whole situation.
I don’t know how to say about another sad lady in the story, Madam Huang Meizhe, she came from China too, if she pay a little bit attention to WuYunyun, and being a good listener, or try to do something to resolve the bad relationship among the family members, she will be a happy wife now.
The person most reserved to blame in this family sad story is the husband. If he does respect and give more love and care to the wife, move out from the big family to start their life, simple life as husband and wife and kids only…I believe the store will be different. If a man can’t provide all these basic needs to a lady, he shouldn’t get into marriage. It doesn’t matter he belongs to what side of politic party, opposition politician or PAP, as a man, they are all same, they are someone’s son, they are someone’s brother, they maybe someone’s husband, some kids’ father, a man, he doesn’t even able to settle his own family problems, how is he going to lead the country.
I just don’t understand Chinese culture, why mother-in-law, sister-in-law etc so many in laws like to stay together when every one is not happy with each other. They are fighting for all the small matters in life all due to different life style of their own. Why they can’t respect each other and just stay away if can’t stand each other, rather than allow this kind of sad family affairs happen. And I believe there are many many more ladies like Wu Yun Yun in Singapore, those who married to Singaporean, if no one will learn something from this sad news, I bet it will happen somewhere, someday again in not too long future.
Basically I don’t think Wu Yun Yun is a very bad person, and she has paid for what she has done, 16 years in jail, the life has gone for a lady. I don’t think she will hurt some other people again, Whoever died already died, just forgive her. Will the family forgive her?
Does our media have the responsibility to teach our Singaporean learn something from the case?
Respect others, be kind to others, give more space to each other life as we Singaporean have many different culture, then our life will be more peaceful, we will be happier. This is what I see in life.
PS, the news forward as below:

THE China-born wife of former opposition figure Tan Lead Shake was jailed 16 years for killing her brother-in-law and attempting to kill his wife on Tuesday.
Wu Yunyun, 27, looked dazed as the sentence was handed down.
Her mother-in-law broke out into loud sobs in the court's public gallery. Later, outside the courtroom, Madam Ng Bee Hion wailed that the sentence was too light for a crime that cost her a son.
Mr Tan, 40, who had visited his wife only once in her 11/2 years in remand, was not in court.
He was at his Paya Lebar home on Tuesday evening, looking after their two children. He politely declined to be interviewed, saying it was too painful to talk about the incident.
His wife was sentenced to 12 years' jail for killing Mr Tan's brother Lead Sane, 33, and four years for the attempted manslaughter of Mr Tan Lead Sane's wife, Madam Huang Meizhe, 36, who is also from China.
Read the full story in Wednesday's edition of The Straits Times.

ABC Wednesday-N for Nature

ABC Wednesday-N for Nature. Bukit Timah Nature Reserve-My World Tuesday conitued: (Click picture to enlarge)

I like to see the big trees in the rainforest, some big trees reach up to forty meters, widely spaced and very tall, they have been living there for many many years, they must have a strong and competitive race to get to the sun for the leaves. I like to see the leaves in the rainforest, the leaves are quite waxy with drip tips to protect the trees from heavy rain, all the leaves are the beauty of nature, they are telling us the stories in the rainforest. The most interesting are those lianas, they climb across those big trees to get more sunlight, some hang down from the trees to the ground to get water, they make the vegetation more dense, but yet they are many many plants like fern type get to survive with few sunlight. That is life in nature, quite struggling if you ask me! Same as in our office, every working place is just like some kinds of rainforest, isn’t it?

ABC Wednesday-M for Mother-in-law

If she is not my mother-in-law, just a neighbor, I believe we will be easier to get along well. She is not a bad person anyway, just a bit selfish, and very old traditional Chinese. I am not a bad person either, but for sure I am not that type of “Good daughter-in-law” as she wanted.

Staying together with Mother-in-law is really a very very tough life. I have gone through that tough time. We stayed together with Mother-in-law and a few of other sisters-in-law. My husband was in a poor situation as he needed to take care of so many people’s feeling, and there is no way to make every one happy, especially in a big family, as I came from totally different education and life style background. Come to the points of talking about every day’s life, our very personal habits, our life style, our religion etc, actually there are no right or wrong, just like between black and white area, there are a part of grey. Every one who stays under the same roof must learn to give in to each other and respect to each other, but not just the outsider, me, as a daughter-in-law must follow their rules. Anyway nowadays is unlike traditional society, as a wife, while juggling my career, work, housework, husband, I don’t think I have extra strength to deal with the complicated relationship. Ya, so I have gone through the tough time for the first two years in our marriage, and the shadow of those unhappy things did effect our marriage, more or less. But thanks God, our marriage survive till now. Of course, we are not staying together any more.

It is very difficult to say I don’t want to stay with Mother-in-law. I feel totally heartless but if I agree to live altogether, I don't think we can be truly happy. It is really a very very hard decision, to both my husband and me. But for me, I feel that is the most important decision you must make once you step into marriage life. I have seen so many unhappy marriage are caused by in-law’s problems, just recently last year, the Chinese lady killed the brother-in-law, I always think why they must stay together, why three family must stay together in such a big house since they don’t get along well with each other, if they could stay on their own, the lady wouldn’t get mad to kill the brother-in-law, then, the old lady won’t lost the son, the few young kids won’t lost the father and mother, the man won’t lost the wife, the wife won’t lost the husband. Things will be different if they could make an early decision to stay on each other own, lead a more western style life.

Marriage is not the matter just between two persons. It connects two unfamiliar clans together. After getting married, you will have a deep understanding of it. Especially being a Chinese, or you are going to married to a Chinese, especially Chinese Singaporean. You must know that the relationship between mother and daughter in law is the hardest thing to deal with. The war between them frequently happens. Usually, the man is the victim of the war between his mother and his wife. Just think about it: Is it easy to let two women (worst a few women, with all sisters-in-law) who do not have blood relationship live together peacefully through their lives?

But there is some exception, my mother is a good example. She stays with my brother and the wife, they are happily living together for 8 years already. Some of my mother’s rules are as below:

• Daughter-in-law has her own habits in daily life, if you think is a bad habit, don’t say out, don’t be so nagging. You can’t change a person over the night. Just close one eye.
• Don’t step into the quarrel between husband and wife, don’t be bored.
• Your son is no long the little boy who asked your help of everything. Don’t except or request the wife to replace your position to do for him for those things you used to do. Don’t act too clever to teach your daughter-in-law how to take care of husband. If she really wants to learn something from you she will ask.
• Don’t always compare your own old times with her, don’t say such words: “I used to take care of six children without a maid…” etc. No one likes to listen to same story days by days.
• Don’t bother the way your daughter-in-law spending money, that is her own money or her husband money, as long as she never borrow money from you.
• Give the husband and wife more private space.

My mum has a lot of good ideas to be a happy mother-in-law, a smart mother-in-law, so she is very welcomed in her son’s house. Actually not all the mothers-in-law are so difficult to deal with and not all the daughters-in-law are so heartless to want to kick off the older parents. It is a lesson both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law must learn in our life time. Too bad we always can’t find a good lecturer.

Come to the end of the post, I want to ask you:

What is your understanding of mother- and daughter in law relationship? Do you have problems in dealing with it? Any effective ways to build a peaceful and friendly mother-and daughter in law relationship?

I was told that the relationship with mother in law in western country is much easier than in Chinese culture. Is that true?

I wish to hear your opinions. Do remember to visit ABC Wednesday, this is a lovely Meme, check out all other posts here.

ABC Wednesday-L for Love

As I hinted in previous post ABC Wednesday letter K, this week for ABC Wednesday letter L, I will write down some random thoughts that always come into my mind, something related to “LOVE”

• I don’t believe in so called unconditional love. We love God, because we believe in God, belief is our condition. We always say we love our kids and our parents unconditionally, because they are our parents, they are our kids, that is condition. We fall in love with someone, we are willing to do anything for him (her), we though this is unconditional love, but it is not. The person must be loveable, the attraction is the condition.

• Love can be lost one day. There is nothing is lasting forever in this world. The person you love will die one day, the person who loves you so much may leave you alone in the darkness. Anything can happen, knowing this, we will have a greater appreciation of what we have. Think how lucky we are to have someone to love or be loved by someone, we won’t take too much advantage in life

• Say “I love you.” I know it is not easy especially to our Chinese people. But I still feel this is the best way to express our love. Say “ I love you” when you really mean it, it will warm any coolest soul. Learn to express our own feeling is the best way to carry out better communication in any relationship. It does not make you a bad person to desire someone else's love, even if they do not love you. So don’t be afraid to say “I love you.”

• Free your love. Accept the people you love as they are, and not who you want them to be. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Don’t insist that only your way is the best and demand the your love one to change. Give some space to each other and keep a little distance especially between the married couple, this is one way to keep you love fresh.

• Don’t expect love in return.  Giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for the sake of love. Everyone has a different way of showing his or her love for you; you will be disappointed if you expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.

• Love yourself even no one loves you in this world.  When love comes to the end, let it go rather than holding on. If someone doesn’t appreciate you, don’t blame yourself are not good enough, just because you are not his/her the other half. Love yourself and believe you will be the best in someone’s eyes. Let go the feeling of being hurt, love yourself and you will be able to fall in love again in life. Every single tree is unique in the forest but you must open your eyes to appreciate its beauty in its own way.

• Give more of your love to your children who depend on you.  Because it is you to bring him/her into this world, you have the responsibility.

• Love someone who you feel comfortable with - not just someone to make love to. Come to the end, show your love and affection for your loved ones with this traditional calligraphy style Chinese character for love symbol. If you understand a bit of Chinese, I hope you like my Chinese characters.

Chinese Character "Love" Button

Do remember to visit ABC Wednesday, this is a lovely Meme, check out all other posts here.

ABC Wednesday-Letter K

 Love.Life

A kid adds many happiness to a marriage life,
A kiss is the best way to say sorry to your wife,
Jealous like the sharp knife to hurt love die,
Trust is the only key to open closed mind,
Be kind enough to accept some white lie,
If our love like a kite, let it fly.

This week's letter in ABC Wednesday is K. My words for ABC WEDNESDAY are: Kid, Kiss, Knife, Key, Kind, Kite. They are all about “Love”, they are all in our life.
Love in Chinese words is:

 
Chinese Character "Love" Button
 It means “Home Sweet Home”
So, can you guess what I will write about letter “L” on next week ABC Wednesday? Do remember visit ABC Wednesday this lovely Meme and check out all other posts here.

ABC Wednesday-J for Joy

Welcome again to the weekly online collaboration known as ABC Wednesday! This week is the turn for the letter "J". “J” in my this post is “Joy”. “A thing of beauty is a joy forever.”-John Keats

 Finding joys in life can be very easy. Buy something beautiful such as this pretty Eustoma flowers and appreciate its beauty is a joy.  Plant something green with flowers, see them grow from seeds, plants are proven mood enhancers. looking at those happy blooming, joys are just between your fingers and your mind.  Make your own rose corsage for a party, you realize how artistic you are. Admire the color and shape of the petals, remember how beautiful life can be. Aren’t they the joys around us? There are many many more other joys but of course “A joy shared is a joy doubled”. Know you're loved. There's no greater joy. Knowing you are loved by the special someone and find your every piece of jigsaw puzzle of your marriage life and manage to finish them into a wonderful picture as you wanted, that is the greatest joy in marriage. So J is for Joy, J for jigsaw puzzle too. Read my previous post Marriage Life Is a Big Jigsaw Puzzle here, and wish every one find your own joys in life.

ABC Wednesday-I for If

ABC Wednesday this week I for insect: dragonfly. So I show you this handsome insect which I like it so much.
ABC Wednesday I for If too. “If” is the poem I like it so much and would like to share with you here.

"If" is a poem written in 1896 by the then 31-year-old Rudyard Kipling. It was first published in the Brother Square Toes chapter of Rewards and Fairies, Kipling's 1910 collection of short stories and poems.

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

—Rudyard Kipling

ABC Wednesday-H for Home

This is my ABC Wednesday, H for house, H for home too.
A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams. A house is the one you feel like to change a bigger one if you can, A home is the one always in your heart can not be changeable.
House is a place filled with all your home memory; Home is a place you always want to get back to especially when you are getting old. I have moved around from one house to another in different places in this world, but the home in my mind is only one forever, that is a place where my love are there.

ABC Wednesday-G for Grow

G for grow, grow old together in our marriage life. Love is attraction, love at first sight, love is blind…Well, marriage is much more complicated. Any happy marriage can not last long without love, but I bet not a single married couple will be happy in a marriage relationship if there is only love.
G for grow, a couple of married lover must learn things together, share interest together, communicate well in life and grow old together.
Want to know more ABC in life, Read ABC Wednesday here.

ABC Wednesday-F for Follow

F for follow.
The action of follow do play a very important part in marriage life.
Follow your feeling, (your own very true feeling), follow your love, but not others before you say “I do.”
Follow your partner’s feeling, learn to give in to each other after you say “I do.”
Follow the music to dance together in life. It need a lot of practice to become the best couple of dancers in any competition. Same rule plays in any marriage life.
Want to know more ABC in life, Read ABC Wednesday here.

ABC Wednesday-E for Everlasting

A perfect marriage is A+B+C+D=E! A for Attraction; B for Beloved; C for Care; D for Destine;E for Everlasting! Everlasting is for love, not only for the marriage certificate.

 

 

For more ABC Wednesday posts, go here.